Couch to 100km. #NeverStopSmiling

Shuffle run. 3 minutes. Walk. 1 minute. Shuffle again. Finally I reach a bench. I sit down and glare at the glistening Lake and watch the moon & street lamp cast shadows along the path. It's a beautiful, warm night and I'm finally able to somewhat run after 2.5 weeks confined to the couch. Yet, I can't appreciate the serenity and stillness of 10:48 pm. Instead, many self- deprecating thoughts encircle my mind. Why did you move here? You don't have any friends here. 2.5 weeks on the couch has made you fat. Why can't you actually get through a training cycle? You're dumb enough to have hopes of fulfilling your goals this year? Who are you kidding, this sucks. Running is stupid.

Warning. Melted crayons in mountains may not be potable.

I stood up and started the trot back. Why am I thinking this? Champions don't sell themselves short. People that go after their dreams have to start somewhere. Don't freaking feel sorry for yourself; that's what losers do. Failing is on the road to success. It felt as though both sides of the coin were sitting on my shoulders, tearing my consciousness apart. It was an endless cycle of feeling lazy, then guilty, then motivated, then apathetic.

1 month later I stood on the start line of the Waldo 100k. I honestly had no idea what to expect. I originally entered the lottery with pie in the sky dreams of winning the race. I actually imagined crossing the line, what I would do with my arms, and hugging Meghan triumphantly. When I stood next to friends in the darkness, I wondered if I would even be able to finish.

Pre race done right.

With two weeks of knowing I would definitely race, Meghan gave me all sorts of tips and I prepared myself mentally for a long battle. She instructed me to run the first half with my HRM and take it easy. Since I haven't worn one of those chafe-traps in forever- let alone longer than 6 miles, I was apprehensive about following it for 30 miles. Nevertheless, I lubed up and chugged up the first climb.

Loping along the singletrack in the early, pink light, I felt free and happy. It was as though I was a doe bounding through the woods (my spirit animal), and again, I let myself imagine what it would be like to bound along the final three Rosary lakes feeling like this.

My friends are amazing.

I made it up to Fuji Mtn and saw a glorious audience of mountains and felt even more rejuvenation. Meghan was at the top and greeted me with a big smile & I forget who I knuckle punched, but it was awesome. Coming back down, I was smiling and dancing, seeing all my friends in the race. It was pretty fantastic. Soon, I caught up with Andrea Thorpe (she witnessed a fun bush sesh- sorry again!) and Ken Sinclair right as we entered the Mt Ray aid station. Despite being in that ideal HR range, I was feeling pretty jazzed up, especially listening to the Chicago Broadway soundtrack and I bolted out of there. I was pretty much alone the rest of the way; I would catch up to some guys, hang with them for 100-400m or so, then be on my merry way.

Chloe. Sorry boys she's taken.

I knew I was in second place at this point, and couldn't understand how; I was just waiting for hordes of people to pass me. All morning I was sticking to my tried and true (thanks stephanie) plan of 1 gel every 20-30 minutes. I even had a watch beep just for the occasion. All of a sudden, my stomach decided it was joining the Olympic diving team, and started doing triple backflips. Long story short, from miles 27 to 41 I was puking. Nothing I could eat or drink could stay down. Now, I blame myself for all my alpine excursions, drinking from alpine streams and lakes unfiltered and eating questionable chicken the friday before. I don't blame the heat, because I never actually felt hot during the day. (I'm sure I looked REAL hot puke-running though. Boys on the course, if you didn't get my number, leave a comment below).

Before. PC LongRun

After. Sums up the day quite nicely. PC LongRun

In my mind, I thought of how badass Rory Bosio was with severe food poisoning during BOTH the Atacama Xtreme 100 & Lavaredo Ultra. I tried to channel her and do things with a smile. Because hey, if you're smiling, then things are alright. And, I reasoned that I was coherent (still singing T swift) and able to keep running, so I did.

Couch snuggles with Riley!

To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings- sure they were beautiful, but I was just watching the miles tick by and rationing out what food I could stomach over time. I kept imagining Stephanie rolling her eyes at my pathetic attempt at getting in calories. The one solid thing I remember in that stretch were the aid stations. Coming into Charleton lake, I was greeted by a raucous party. I saw many loving friends and back flopped into the glimmering waters (damn I wish it would float me away in a current). The same applied to the others- wonderful people treating me so well before kicking my butt back into the forest.

I kept running. I didn't know how it was possible and I was still incredulous that I was doing this, and doing this in second place. There MUST have been a fire breathing dragon blocking the trail from Andrea and the others... I watched my watch tick past 50 miles, the longest I've run since White River 50 mile, a whole year plus before. At this point, my body was starting to cramp up from dehydration & lack of calories. But nothing was stopping me. I KNEW it was possible to get to the finish line. I reasoned with the same logic as before; just keep moving and doing what you can with what you've got. I plastered a smile over my grimace- because smiles can do anything. (Must've looked like SUCH a lunatic). Soon enough, I came to the Maiden Peak aid station, where I had volunteered last year. They gave me a popsicle and cheered me up to the summit. I knew these last 12 miles- Monkeyboy took me on a bonkalicious death march the summer prior. It was just 3 more miles of up and then down.

Best Friends! At Trampled By Turtles

Up at the summit, the cramping turned to pain. I was embraced by Kim at the top and I almost started crying in her arms. But she pushed me away down the mountain before any tears fell. Like I told myself a month ago on the park bench, I would not cry. I have come so far and gone through too much in the last year that the crying was over. I was chasing AND getting my dreams, so I had to smile.

I love the Queen! PC LongRun

I smile-grimaced, laugh-shouted through utter anguish on the leap of faith. Woof, man. That just did me in. The rest of the way was all downhill, unlike how I remembered it from my run with MB. My knees felt like someone was unscrewing them with a dull knife. My calf & feet felt like they were being incinerated. Yet, I kept moving. I knew if I stopped, it needed to be at the finish line. I kept calculating and recalculating the time left and wondered if I'd ever get to the side path from the PCT.

LB getting his WS qualifier PC LongRun Pic Co

I was running like a baby cow with three legs taking it's first steps, but I realized I was going to finish. And I let myself acknowledge that I'd get second place. I immediately, in classic fashion, fell down and started sobbing. I had withheld so much and gutted through so much pain to get to the finish that it finally came flooding out. It was quite an embarrassing scene as the ski patrol medics carted me off in a wheelchair (totally unnecessary- I was broken but I could've probs just shuffled).

Chloe get er done. PC Golden Mama Elke

I feel so so fortunate to finish this race surrounded by so many integral members of my friend group. Meghan- basically my more-than-running-life-coach, was the RD and got me to BOTH lines; she also has introduced me to her friend group, which basically hunted on a saturday in oregon rather than a tuesday in auburn. There were really too many people to name that were amplifying the stokage that weekend. I will say, I really owe a lot of my mental strength to my beautiful friend Chloe Romero, who was a certifiable badass finishing the race; she sent me flowers with a note saying "Stay gritty" during a pretty bleak period. Stephanie Howe is always such an inspiration & best friend, and just by sending a text saying "you can do anything you set your heart & mind to" really stuck with me, hard. And then I got to go to a concert with her & Zach in Bend and wake up with ocean rolls on her birthday!!! (Felt like more of a present to me than it probs did to her, ha!) Thank you to my super rad sponsors for supporting me with all the miles (The North Face, Julbo USA, Sisu Girls, Victory Sportsdesign). Additionally, all the various people back at home that believe in me, I'm truly grateful. Sometimes it's hard to believe in myself, but having such a lovely community, really makes me smile. And that's all I need.

Next up.

Black Canyon 100k. #QuittersNeverWin

So much Happy

Three weeks ago I had the best training week after one of the best buildup I've ever had. Starting soon after TNF Chile 100 mile attempt, I intended on earning a golden ticket to Western States 100. Over winter break, I had a couple awesome training runs on the course, which lit the fire even brighter. Running 35 miles for Camille Herrons birthday with the Queen was the best. Putting in long solo miles in slo was mentally tough, but instilled a confidence in myself that was unprecedented. Three weeks ago, Meghan gave me a workout that scared me. The mile repeats were set at a pace way faster than I had ever done and the doubt was high. I crushed it though. I didn't know that I could do that and still feel so fresh, despite being in the midst of a 92 mile week. It got me really excited for Black Canyon 100k- the race for the golden ticket. 

That Friday, I was gliding through SLO's neon green hills and imagining the best possible scenario at BC. I was giddy with the possibilities that could unfold and not a trace of doubt was in my mind. The next day I did my medium long run out in Santa Margarita. I greatly underestimated the climbing in those 18 miles but knew it's a route I always get dehydrated on. I wanted race prep to be flawless. However, halfway through the run I felt a little something tweaking in my low back/ butt area. I thought maybe it was a bruise from some dance move pulled downtown at my roommates 21st birthday celebration. So I ignored it and pressed on.

That night the little pain never went away. I woke up the next morning for my 32 miler and tried to stretch it out. I met my professor Nicole Kulikov (3x OTQ marathoner speed demon and newfound trail buddy) for the first part of the run. We were moving super well on the rocky trails but the pain never went away. Gradually it got worse and worse, slowing me down. Running back down the road with her it was agonizing pain. I had to stop and go home. Nothing I did, short of sleeping, alleviated the awful pain. 

The dream

She told me it was my SI joint. She had gone through similar injury after the 2008 Olympic trials. For the next two weeks everything I did was painful. I only sought relief biking and sleeping. I didn't want to wake up in the morning and go to class or do anything. It was very depressing and I felt trapped. I could see all my hard work and dreams unraveling and that filled my heart with anguish. Since I was severely handicapped and couldn't run, I sought to ease my frustration with baking. Inspired by Steph Howe, I made almond croissants and biscotti among other things. Meanwhile, I tried everything. I saw a chiropractor, sports massage, and went to physical therapy. The week before BC I all of a sudden had the pain diminish in my daily activities. The PT was helping and making me stronger. She diagnosed my injury as a nonfunctional glute. Instead of firing and doing work, my hip flexor took over and pulled on my low back.

She was confident that I could run black canyon and excitedly I regained hope. Wednesday, at the last possible second, Meghan and I decided to go for it. I packed my bags and hopped on my flight. I met up with Keely Henninger and we hung out in Tempe with her friend Hillary. Keely was running the 60k and Hillary volunteered to pace me the last 11 miles. 

Pre race hip thrusts are all the rage

Day of the race, I diligently did my glute exercises in the gym and mingled with running friends. We meandered out to the start line and off we went into the desert. The sunrise was spectacular. The gorgeous mountains were illuminated with purple hues and the pink-orange Sky cast a golden light onto the trail. The cactus were in full force too. The course started with a fast downhill 50k and then started rolling in the hills. We went out fast, but surprisingly the 8 min or faster pace felt like a breeze despite not running for three weeks. I cruised through the first two aid stations, intensely focused on pushing hard and squeezing my butt so it fired properly. I could feel a niggle in my back but mostly ignored it. I could handle that. For some reason, there weren't any gu at the aid stations so I stuffed my pockets with gummy worms and chomped on those. My stomach felt great and so did my legs. I was actually on PR marathon pace and felt great. I tried not to get too excited that early. 

Around mile 16, the jarring little dips in the trail got to me. My back started to really hurt and it greatly slowed me down. I had to stop several times cause the pain was too much. I tried to do my PT exercises but to no avail. I pressed on to see if it would dissipate. I knew that when the pain was giving me chills (it was probs 75-80F at that point), it was time to quit. I dropped at the 20mile aid station. Taylor swift sang "Should've Said No. Should've gone home. Should've thought twice before you let it all go" as I walked it in. That girl knows me too well. 

These rockstars went 1-2. boom!

Going into this weekend, I knew it would take a miracle to finish. The dreams and confidence I had built over this training cycle were so large that my hope burned too brightly to be easily extinguished. In my pre race freak out texting Stephanie, I knew that I had to pull the plug if it got bad; I didn't want to be out longer than I should or regret not trying.

Sitting at the aid station talking to the medic, I was oddly calm. I knew a drop was unavoidable and I am completely fine with it. The grief and anguish I had experienced the previous Sunday thinking that I wouldn't even go to Arizona, was insurmountable. But I did. I made it there. I was on the start line and ran 20 miles better than I have in a race feeling better than ever. I knew my fitness was great, but this injury held me back. I gave it my all and I tried my best. I couldn't ask for anything more and I'm extremely grateful to have had the opportunity to try. 

Now I need to start the healing process and make my body stronger than before. I'm so lucky to have amazing friends surround me and help me through the depressing reality of injuries. I have a couple ideas for this year and I'm really excited for what's to come. 

Shenanigans

Huge congrats to Keely for almost stealing the overall W in the 60k and the winners of the golden tickets in the 100k. It was a brutally hot day and tough course, and I have so much respect for every starter and finisher. Kudos to Aravaipa Running and Jamil Coury for putting on a fab event. Post race was fantastic, Keely, Hillary and I hit up the downtown Tempe scene and drank/danced until I had to make my flight to SFO. The tequila induced clubbing had some great laughs. Now to make up my homework and eat half priced chocolate...

Big thanks to all the support and encouragement I've gotten along the way up to and through this. I really, really appreciate it. Major props to TNF & Victory Sportsdesign (too bad I didn't get to use my drop bag) & Julbo USA, as well as the love from Sisugirls & Stance.

West is Best

White (Out) River 50 Mile; Race Report.

My last long race at Leona Divide 50m was less than ideal. I had worked very hard focused a lot of energy on that being my A race. Long story short, it was a shit show and I stopped at an aid station halfway wanting to quit for 45 minutes. Now that I am training for a 100 miles, which is more of a mental marathon than physical, I wanted to have a race in between Leona Divide and Pine to Palm 100. I wanted a good memory and something positive to fall back on in moments of self doubt and negativity, as I would be dumb to say those won’t happen.

Bend... Just stop.

Running with Steph, Riley & Jack

This summer I have been kept super busy working in the lab and running a lot with friends over the weekends. So, I hadn’t thought much about my impending, redeeming, 50 mile race: White River. Last weekend I went on some really quality training runs near Bend, OR. Every time I go, I fall more in love with that area. On Saturday, I ran around Green Lakes and Soda Creek trails on a gorgeous day; I felt like I was floating. Sunday I ran with Stephanie (Howe) & Zach Violett and their super in shape dog, Riley. Seriously, Riley can definitely kick my butt any day. We ran this awesome loop around 3 Finger Jack. It was gorgeous but I bonked so hard as it was 100% exposed and very hot.

The day before the race, I got off work early and drove to Crystal Mountain Resort in Mt Rainier Natl Park, WA. The drive through gorgeous mountains alone had me drooling and wishing for a 48 hour adventure run rather than a race. I got to the resort in time to hear a course briefing from Scott McCoubrey, RD, and get checked in. I ate my Tupperware dinner and crawled into my sleeping bag in the back of my car.

Off & Running! PC Glenn Tachiyama

Love this girl!

6 am the race was off. For some odd reason, I led the women’s pack at mile 1. I did not intend to go out any faster than I felt was good for me. I got passed by a LOT of people in the first couple miles. Whatever, I thought, I’ll catch back up, they’ll fade back, we still have 46 more miles to go… After 5k, the course started winding up, up, up. For ten miles, I had my hands on my knees and huffed around switchbacks on the first climb. It was cold, wet, windy, and I felt like I was sucking supremely. Not again, I thought, why can’t I nail the 50 mile distance? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed running along huge cliffs, by waterfalls, up steep stairs, and through the mud. The forest in the rain and fog is one of my favorite spots to be. However, for that climb, I was not having a good day. I felt so tired, heavy and slow. It was very frustrating. I didn’t let the thought of quitting enter my mind, but by the time we started heading back on the OAB section, I had decided today would be good 100 mile practice: long time on my feet, not feeling good, and just getting it done. Sigh.

Scott's Course Map

Fortunately, at that point, I had started running with two other women, Monica Ochs & Sarah Parker. We commiserated that we weren’t having the days we had hoped for, but filled that whole downhill with great conversation. Both women were nurses and so I had a lot of questions for them as well. By the time we hit mile 27 Aid station, my outlook had become a lot more positive. Unfortunately, I had become happy and fine with just running to finish the darn thing, but then a volunteer had to go and tell me I was 12^th woman. Drat. Now that the possibility of making top ten entered my mind, I dropped my complacent attitude and started running a little faster.

We had another long climb and I surprised myself by running most of the way up it. I knew we had a downhill then 10km to the finish, both things I estimated I could coast on, so I had to really put in the work on the hill. On the way up, I passed a lot of people to the tune of David Guetta and Spanish flamenco. Near the top of the hill, I came upon a woman in blue. I hiked/ran behind her for quite some time. Neither of us giving an inch. We went on like this for a long while until we came to a little bit of a downhill (a major fakeout before a steep pitch to Suntop- the last bit of the climb). I burst around her and sprinted as hard as I could down the trail. The mud made it a bit of an extreme slip n slide, but I made it upright, with grace and poise. I also gapped her a little. However, she very persistently followed me on that steep part to the aid station. We arrived at the same time and she opened her pack to have her bladder filled. Seizing this opportunity, I grabbed one gel and took off.

Course profile. I clocked it at 9500' gain.

This is where I put on the hurt. From Suntop, the course winds down a fire road for several miles to the last aid station. I hurled myself as fast as I could down the road. I kept looking over my shoulder and would see a blue figure emerging from the white mist. I hugged the turns as best I could to try to put physical objects like trees, in between us. Usually, when one loses sight of a competitor they are chasing, they start to give up. This downhill was painful, I was running as fast as I could and already had 37-44 miles on my legs. A bit of the way down, I really had to go to the bathroom. I weighed my options: A. I could quickly put on the brakes and pull over. Ouch. B. I could pull over, but then the girls I had just passed would catch up. Or C, my most appealing option, just pee my pants. I mean, it was raining after all, and I thought it would only be just a tinkle… Well. At least I was hydrating!

 

What we should have seen at Suntop. PC Seattle Running Club

I was pretty happy to be done with that first climb...

The road started to flatten out and I caught sight of another woman. I don’t know why, but I had kept telling myself that each time I caught someone, I had just gotten 10^th place; I would need to seriously work hard to not let top ten slip… In reality, I had no idea what place I was in. This mindset kept me edging closer to her. We came into the final AS together, and once again, I took off. However, she stayed right behind me. We managed a couple sentences here and there before she gapped me a bit. I switched my ipod until it came to Taylor Swift and put my head down. I had made a goal for myself that I needed to break 9 hours. Suddenly, my head was filled with Swiftian boy rage and calculating exactly what my maximum pace had to be in order to break 9. I caught up to the woman in yellow and passed her. Soon, another woman. Taylor Swift kept lamenting about how she knows places as I wound my way alone through the woods. This last 10km really was a kick in the balls with wet rock, logs, roots, and constant up and down. I had no idea where I was directionally, geographically, and if I was near the finish. The rushing of the White River (it really is white) and the soft crunching of moss and leaves underfoot and the swirling wind and rain in the canopy was peaceful. It was like a metronome consistently pulling me through the never-ending forest.

All business

As the clock ticked on, I grew more and more agitated that I wouldn’t make the cutoff I had set for myself. I made little promises to myself- okay, you can hike ten steps here, you can have oreos when you are done, you can accomplish one of your goals for the day… (Because apparently I was still thinking I wasn’t top ten). Just before the trail emptied out onto the familiar road leading into the campground, I saw another woman. FML. Now I was gonna have to sprint for it. I let it out. I put everything I had into that last half mile, and not an ounce less. I crossed the line at 8:56 in 5^th place (33^rd overall and 3^rd in my 20-29 age group). I was so happy to be done.

The more I think about this race, the more proud I am over how hard I pushed and raced the second half. I passed at least 7 women in the last 20 miles and didn’t let up. I am so fortunate to have met some awesome people at the race- I love new friends! And experience a super tough course with amazing volunteers and atmosphere. Once again, the people in this community make every experience a happy, positive, and humble one! Super grateful for my coach, Meghan, giving me a ton of last minute words of wisdom and getting me to the start AND finish line. I would be still lost in the fog without her (literally and figuratively).

Strava data HERE.

Gear used:

-TNF Stow N Go Bra, BTN shorts/ singlet, visor, arm sleeves

-Stance socks & Pearl Izumi Trail N2

-Garmin 910XT

-Salomon Sense vest

-1 Gu gel every thirty minutes, including on the start line, 3 S! caps, & approx. 10 dixie cups of coke

Gear I wish I used:

-gloves & buff 

LD50- "Leona Divide 50m" or "Lethal Dose 50%." Take Your Pick.

Disclaimer: Some content and language is not suitable for children under the age of 18.

Leona Divide 50m came and went on Saturday. I was super excited for this race. Other than track 5ks, I've never raced southern California. I was especially excited to get on the PCT trail- the pictures I furiously google image & race report stalked were gorgeous.

Drawing course maps > Studying

The weekend before the race, as if I wasn't nervous enough, I got sick. I was congested, super tired, and felt overall very very crappy. For me, when I get sick, I still regain a high level of functionality and can go about daily activities (work, school) fine, but running sucks and I feel terrible. I took sunday off and tried blasting my system with every immune-boosting thing I could think of. I chugged EmergenC like it was coffee- my life depended on it. Tuesday I attempted a very light track workout but was so slow, heavy and wrecked. I took pretty much the rest of the week off & laid low after advice from Stephanie Howe and other friends.

Friday I shook out for 20 minutes and drove down with my (much more sick) roommate to her house in Simi Valley. I stayed the night there then woke very, very early after a fitful, nervous, not very sound sleep to drive the rest of the way to Santa Clarita.

I was pumped. I was excited, feeling a bit better and ready to go. I was so thrilled to test my limits in a 50 miler (I ran TNF50 for "fun" and just cruised comfortably & casually). I had so much confidence in myself and really, really trusted in my training. Meghan's advice was to challenge myself. Who knew that that would take on a whole new meaning....

Obviously too optimistic Pre-race

Seeing friends Billy Yang and Gina Lucrezi at the start was so welcome as I didn't know anybody else. Gina and I started out together, we were in the lead, and I tried my hardest to take it casual in the beginning. We were running up 2.75m to the PCT trail and then would go out and back in both directions. (See course map for reference so you know what the heck I'm talking about if you are not familiar with this course). I stopped to pee and she kept going, so I was just content on keeping her in my sights. I ran a couple miles with Billy, which was super fun, and I loved talking to someone. Though, he turned at the first aid station for the 50k and I had to keep going. At this point, I was feeling "alright". I assumed it was just a matter of shaking off the cobwebs from not running at all in the past week, and that soon I would be warmed up. (Again, would take on a different meaning once the sun came fully out).

Going up the hill from that AS, the woman who would go on to win, passed me. I was kind of struggling to get a rhythm and tried talking to her to bring myself to a better place, but she just replied, "sorry but I'm breathing out of my ass!" I let her go and figured I could definitely catch her on the downhill, my specialty. We had a 6 mile downhill to the second AS, at mi 17.5, which was also the first turnaround. On the downhill, my legs were not responsive. I stumbled over rocks and was cursing myself. On the previous climb I was wishing I hadn't even started, as a DNF idea was being entertained. Multiple guys passed me on the downhill and I could barely pick my feet up. Everything was so forced! By this point, I had tucked my skirt into the liner shorts (Real attractive look. Seriously, holla at me boys) because I was just so frustrated with life and hot and not having a good time. Misery at it's "finest." I saw Gina close to the AS on her return as well as the blue-skirt lady and exchanged high fives and words of mumbled encouragement (It was already BLAZING balls hot out.) Gina was 12 minutes in front of me at that point. I don't know why I didn't think to drop there, maybe I told myself I'd keep going, to at least get SOME mileage out of a taper week and training. But then I also had to go up that god-forsaken 6 mi hill. FML.

Cause sparkles make you faster, duh.

At first, I struggled. But then I just set my sights low on pace and chugged. Surprisingly, I managed and got up it in around 70mins. I was definitely off my suspected 8 hr pace, but the guy I strava stalked made it up in the same time, so I gave myself a little pat on the back for that. At this point, a woman, Ms. Neon shirt, came up and was topping out the hill with me. We ran for a stretch along the top but she gapped me towards the middle of the downhill back to the aid station. At this point in time, I had already written a DNF race report in my head, played out my phone conversation with Meghan, and accepted deep in my heart that I would DNF for the first time and not finish my 9th ultra. I reasoned that several runners have DNFed on a not-so great day and that it was fine; I'd live to fight another day, another race... I stumbled down the hill, not so much from my heavy legs, but from the tears building up in my eyes. I was crushed in every aspect of the word.

I came upon the aid station, mi 26, in the midst of cheers and horns and cowbells. What should have been a spirit booster and ragin' good time. They asked me what they could do and I just started sobbing, repeating "I don't want to finish". They sat me down in a chair and put ice on my back, while I cried my heart out. I can't remember the last time I cried that hard. Usually, when it is hot and dry, my nose bleeds. (My nose was a bloody boogery mess the whole day- right from the start). So, I was spewing blood, boogers, snot and tears all over this poor volunteer. She was force feeding me coke and otter pops (holy good lord those were effing amazing). Back up on the hill, when I knew I wouldn't continue, I stopped eating and drinking. Big time No No. (By the time I reached the AS I hadn't consumed calories in 1.5hrs). I sat there crying for 20 mins while this saint talked to me about all things- her grad studies, where I studied, where we were from, a story about a cute guy, everything. The tears subsided as I had nothing left. She kept asking me every 5 mins or so if I was ready to get back out there, and I kept responding "No, I'm done. I suck. I don't want to go. I want to go home". She never said okay, she just said well lets wait some more. At one point I stopped my watch, knowing it was final and resolute that I would drop.

This was probably the lowest point I've ever, ever reached in my career as an athlete. (Aside from season-ending injuries). I've never spent more than 10 minutes at an AS and I spent at least 45 there. She kept asking me if I was ready to go and my resolve was getting weaker and weaker. She said, "hey, so I've been dying to get out for a run, you can run out with me for three miles and can turn around and come back at any point, but I will go out three miles. Come with me." I got so fed up with sucking and being miserable and I have no idea why the hell, but I obliged and we set off. I took an otter pop to go and we started booking up the trail. I felt great. Not super fresh, but way better. We had a great conversation, but then three miles flew by. She told me go catch that guy and then she would turn around. (We were passing people like they stood still). I caught him and she bid me farewell with the best hug. I was so grateful. I knew then that I would finish. My time goals and competition goals were completely thrown out of the 87th floor window, but I knew I would get through it. I was happy.

But that doesn't mean that the last 22 were smooth sailing on an otter pop high.... I ran the rest of the way up to that T junction and the AS. I filled my water, grabbed Gu and two cokes. Unfortunately, they did not have otter pops at any other station. I continued on to the last turn around. Go ahead, look at the elevation profile the course website boasts. No. False. That is not an accurate representation of what we suffer through. What seems like small rollies with a short climb, for good measure, to the finish was actually long climbs wrapping exposed mountains. For instance, I'd come around a turn and my initial thoughts would be, "wow! what gorgeous mountains! god, I need to make a mental note of exploring SoCal more!" Low, and behold, we would be waddling our sorry, broken asses up and over those far and distant mountains... I would see a stripe of trail weaving up, of course, one hill and I'd say "nahhhhhh we couldn't *POSSIBLY* be going up there! that's too far..." Then I'd see small dots moving up it. Bloody hell. I was pretty slow heading out to that turn around, I'd walk on some of the uphill, but at least I was generally moving and passing all the 50k-ers. I kept waiting to see the first 50 milers (Cause then I knew I was at least somewhat close to the oasis, I mean Aid station...) Sure enough, after what seemed like eternities, the 50 milers began passing me on their return. I saw the first and second woman. I talked with Neon Shirt for a bit, and encouraged her to chase down the blue skirt lady (They were 20 mins apart).

Oh HELL yeah!

I got to the AS 10 mins later and saw F3 leave. So I thought I was 4th. I quickly filled my bottles and headed out. (Of course after dumping ice down my sports bra and down my "shorts". (Real interesting while running...)) I walked up that short little climb to recoop and process mentally that I only had 10 miles to go. (Good god I was so excited to be done). Then I started running and didn't really stop... That last part went by a lot quickly than before. So, I'll just give you the highlights: after the ice melted a guy thought I peed my pants, I got stung by a bee on my boob, I found out I could jump at mi 44 when I stumbled upon a rattlesnake, and some woman told me "wow you're doing the 50 miler? You look like a goddess!" (It was definitely due to my glorious sun burn radiating from my bloody, sweaty and salty skin). I quickly found out that I was actually 6th female, as I passed two other 50mi runners that I hadn't seen previously. The last woman I passed was walking up a short incline less than two miles from the finish. I had no idea what her legs were like so I was scared that she would catch me. I ran those last two miles like a herd (?) of snakes were chasing me, licking my heels. Once I hit the pavement, with 1.25 mi of pure downhill to go, I let loose. I could smell the barn, as Tera Dube said of her sprint finish at LS50 last weekend. I could taste my blood-booger encrusted lips as I couldn't help but grin ear to ear like a doped out dweeb. I rounded the corner and finished. I had actually freaking finished. Unfortunately, I did not have my mom or dad with me, and was caught in an embrace by RD Keira Henninger and a medic. I kept saying "I finished! I finished!" like some lunatic as they dragged me to a chair. She gave me my medal and 4th overall Female mug, which were beautifully crafted. I congratulated her on an amazing event with an ass-kicking-ly brutal course.

Thanks Keira Henninger for a great event!

I finished 4th female, and something like 9:37 hours. I won my age group (20-29) and beat enough guys to be 25th overall. I am so, so proud to have been able to finish that thing and come out alive. I didn't feel right all day, but still developed a deeper, richer mental strength to use in my impending 100 mile race. I have such an overwhelming amount of love, gratitude and respect to the tireless, energetic & saintly volunteers who really made this day happen for me. Whelp. I challenged myself. I feel I did not run to my potential or ability, which is a bit upsetting and disappointing. I know I can run a lot faster and be more a more aggressive competitor, but given the conditions and my health/mental state, I am just glad to have finished. I don't feel as completely wrecked (save a few blisters and sore feet), so I'm excited to get back out there and try, try again for the next adventure. (Cause, if at first you don't succeed...)

I have an appetite to be my absolute best and push my boundaries, and it's only gotten stronger. Now I really am determined for retribution at the 50 mile distance!

Tiger wearing my lucky T Shirt

HUGE thank you to everyone who supports and encourages me. I really thought about a lot of you and it definitely helped pull me through the rough patches. I am so, so thankful to have so many friends and people in my life that are so inspirational and encouraging- I don't know what I do to deserve it, but I love, love having you all in my life.

Strava data found HERE.

Gear Used:
Stance mid crew socks
TNF Better than naked skirt, singlet, Stow N Go bra
TNF Ultra Cardiac shoes
Julbo Sunglasses
Salomon pack & Soft flasks
1 smooth caffeinator Picky Bar
1 Clif gel every 30 mins
1 salt S!Cap every 30-40 mins
Too many to count Cups of Coke
4 green otter pops, 1 orange. (Pink is my favorite)

"Born To Die"- Marin Ultra Challenge 50k

"Feet don't fail me now, Take me to the finish line

Oh my heart it breaks, every step that I take"

-Lana Del Rey

It was totally fitting that Lana del Rey's song Born to Die and those lyrics were the first song I heard when I pressed play on my ipod. It was dark and I was pitter pattering behind Jenny Capel and another lady. We were winding up the first climb under the lights of the Golden Gate Bridge. It was spectacular. It was also starting to hurt.

Ready to Roll with my lucky T shirt.

Toeing the line at the Marin Ultra Challenge 50k I didn't quite know what to expect. Being the weekend after dead week and before finals week, I didn't exactly have the time to do extensive homework on this race. Before the race began, I studied the course map and sharpied the outline of six hills on my arm so I could keep track. (Elevation tat old school style)

Going up that first hill, right from the start, was definitely a good kick in the rear to wake up and get running. I lost contact with Jenny but kept her within sight. Winding up the SCA trail towards Coastal reminded me a lot of CCC- with little lights zip zagging their way up the hill and melting in with the stars. I was so happy that I had managed to last minute find my headlamp in the depths of my car. Going downhill, I let gravity do it's work and rolled along towards Fort Kronkite. It was getting a little bit more light out, enough that I could switch off the headlamp. I had a very short conversation with one guy who asked if I was doing the 50 mile. I laughed and said, looking at my watch, if I were in the 50 mile I would be in deep trouble later. He laughed and replied, "I'm in the 50k, too, but I'm starting to think I'll be in trouble anyways"

I had almost caught back up with Jenny, but the man and her skirted up Hill 88, or as I like to refer to it, "the hill of eighty-hates". I hate that climb, no matter what distance race I am doing. Stairs, steepness, soul-suckingness. I powerwalked the stairs and somehow made it up the rest of the climb. I was heavily rewarded with one of the most stunning sunrises I've seen; gorgeous colors in crisp air veiled Mt. Tam and the hills on that side, as well as golden sunlight caressing the Headlands and setting fire to San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge.

Home sweet home. Thanks Daddy!

Taking in the sunrise, I was also greeted by Kara Teklinsky and her friends out for a run- I got a nice high five from her. (Thank you! Made my morning!) Heading downhill on Wolf Ridge, something in my stomach wasn't right. I had started taking in my gels at forty minute intervals with one right before the start, and a salt tab the first hour (and then subsequently at forty minute intervals). Unfortunately, my usual breakfast was too heavy for that kind of big effort and fast exertion. (steel cut oats with almond butter, blueberries, scrambled egg, coffee & almond milk). It made it known that that was the cause, if you know what I mean. This was at mile 8ish, but I only had stopped for less than three seconds, and continued rolling downhill towards Tennessee Valley. At that aid station I filled my bottle and continued down the road towards Coastal. I wasn't feeling comfortable or very good at all. I took a glance at my watch and apparently I was going 7:20 pace. Well no wonder! I didn't really slow down though... At this point, I was running alone; I had passed a couple men, but nobody stuck with me. My shorts had been falling down on all the downhills and "flats", which was super frustrating, but I didn't dare stop to try and fix them... Oh, well.

Jorge telling people what to do and me studying. Typical.
PC Michael Stricklan

I have always known Coastal from Tennessee Valley to Muir Beach to be deceptively tough. Though, I think going into that section knowing it would be tough, made it not seem AS bad... I still wasn't feeling great going along here, probably just the uncomfortable-ness of running hard and nearing the halfway point. So, to compensate, I took a Clif Double shot espresso gel at my forty minute mark. I took two with me as these guys work "magic" as my emergency revival reserves. At Muir Beach, I was ready to go.

Running down the road and along Redwood Creek, I felt I was moving pretty well. My stride felt good and I was happy to be back in my favorite place. In the weeks prior since Bandera, Meghan has given me some fun workouts and they've really boosted my confidence. One of them, I had struggled to do in the past year when she had given it to me, but in February, I nailed it and so I had that happiness in my back pocket. She's been such an incredible coach & role model in my life- I can't believe its only been ONE year that she's coached me! I thought about her a lot and tried to channel her TOUGHness & Badassery. On this section of trail, I passed several men (I kept hoping to run back into Jenny, but she is just too good on the climbs!). I took one unmarked turn and thought I had gotten lost. However, I knew where the next climb was and that the trail would take me there, so I kept going. (Don't worry, I was still on course after all; benefits of racing home turf!) Heading up Miwok (pronounced "Me-Walk"), I was struggling. I was in the paincave and had been from the get go. I was trying to hold on for dear life. I had the worst cramps ever (period pains I'm pretty sure) but it could've been from the Gu. I just didn't want to eat at all, but I knew I had to. I kept wanting to slow down or stop, but I knew that I was already in this so I couldn't quit, and to run faster would mean I would finish faster.

Coastal mid Gu.
PC Nate Dunn

Reaching the top, I was ecstatic. One of my favorite downhills in Marin was Dias Ridge trail to Muir Beach (again). I was running at full speed down, sliding around the switchback turns. If I wasn't in so much discomfort, I would've had a lot of fun with that. There was one man who was with the SFRC group run that talked to me for a bit. He was telling me about his Ragnar team and how he was training for that. He was also talking about his Way Too Cool 50k and who won and how everybody in the area did (I didn't have the energy to tell him I already knew- haha!). He was very nice and cheered for me / shouted encouragements when I was heading into the Muir aid station. (He was peeling off to head up what I call the "Muir Bitch Climb"- Thank god we didn't have to do that). On this little out and back I finally saw Jenny! I knew I was close! I rushed in, filled my bottle, grabbed a dixie cup of coke and rushed out ASAP.

The entire time going up Middle Green Gulch ("Middle Mean Gulch"), I could see her little black skirt and blue singlet weaving above me. She is too tough on those climbs and I couldn't catch back up. Heading back down to Tennessee Valley I was in a world of pain.

The song playing on my ipod resonating deeply:

"Hold on tight, it's a roller coaster ride we're on.

So say goodnight, cause we won't be back again.

Up and Down (I'm) All around,

Say Goodnight And Goodbye" - Jonas Brothers

Finalllllllyyyyyyy

I was grunting up Marincello and probably making a scene but I didn't care. (I have no nicknames for Marincello other than some special words). The hill seemed never ending because as soon as it was finished, come Alta, and then the deceivingly not flat or downhill SCA. At the top of Marincello I heard someone call my name and I forget what she said, but it turned out to be Lauri! (Thanks girl!) It was really nice to hear a familiar voice and was the kick in my butt I needed to get into higher gear. I was almost done, I could push extra hard now. On Alta, I saw Mrs. Semling, a teacher from my high school out for a hike. She said good job on my "fifteen mile run" (didn't have the energy to correct her, nor was I able to form words) and said she'd tell Mary Churchill, my high school coach & friend, that I was doing well- haha little did she know I had plans with Mary for later!

Once I hit the SCA trail going down to the bridge parking lot, I tried to let it all hang out there. I had no water left, and less than two miles to go. That downhill hurt like a bitch. Just when I was getting to the parking lot though, I saw Dylan Bowman on a stretcher and an ambulance/ fire truck crew helping him with Harmony. I had no idea what had happened, but it freaked me out seeing him like that! (He had suffered in the heat and had severe dehydration, but is on the mend now and thankfully okay!)

aaaaannnndddd I'm going down....

Winding down the road towards the finish, under the Golden Gate Bridge, I caught sight of Jenny. I was determined to catch her. I ignored the sirens going off in my legs and tried to move faster, faster faster... She just kept getting out of reach each turn! According to my watch, I was running 6:20 pace trying to catch her- damn her legs can just keep rolling out of reach! I finished the race 30 seconds behind her in 5:06 for 4th place women's, 24th overall, and 2nd (well that's a first!!) in the 20-29 AG. I immediately sat down on the ground and a couple people came over to say goodjob. (I don't exactly remember, but I do know that Victor came over asking if I'd lie down in a fetal position for another picture haha!) My legs hurt a LOT after, but I was so happy to be done and so happy I was able to push myself and keep pushing myself. I got to chat with friends after the race and was so happy to see them. However, it was short lived as I had to wake up at 4:45 am to drive back to SLO for work the next morning (boy was that rough), and study for finals (ugh). I had wanted really badly to think about or talk with fellow racers about stuff that will be covered on my Immunology final, but I was literally unable to think , I was in such an incapacitated brain fog!

Next up, I have Leona Divide 50m! I'm so excited to explore SoCal's trails and try at another 50m distance- this time actually racing it! I also have registered for Pine to Palm 100m and I'm very much looking forward to that.

What Finals Week does to you....

HERE is my strava data from the race.

It's a known fact Sparkles make you faster

Gear Used:

TNF Ultra "Heart Attack" Cardiac shoes

Stance mid-calf compression socks

TNF Better than Naked shorts & Stow N Go Bra (to hold my Gu and ipod!)

Gu- Salted Watermelon x3, Roctane x2, Clif Double Shot Espresso x2. 

S!Caps kept in my Nathan water bottle

Whoops Julbo sunglasses & Petzl Tikka RXP headlamp