LD50- "Leona Divide 50m" or "Lethal Dose 50%." Take Your Pick.

Disclaimer: Some content and language is not suitable for children under the age of 18.

Leona Divide 50m came and went on Saturday. I was super excited for this race. Other than track 5ks, I've never raced southern California. I was especially excited to get on the PCT trail- the pictures I furiously google image & race report stalked were gorgeous.

Drawing course maps > Studying

The weekend before the race, as if I wasn't nervous enough, I got sick. I was congested, super tired, and felt overall very very crappy. For me, when I get sick, I still regain a high level of functionality and can go about daily activities (work, school) fine, but running sucks and I feel terrible. I took sunday off and tried blasting my system with every immune-boosting thing I could think of. I chugged EmergenC like it was coffee- my life depended on it. Tuesday I attempted a very light track workout but was so slow, heavy and wrecked. I took pretty much the rest of the week off & laid low after advice from Stephanie Howe and other friends.

Friday I shook out for 20 minutes and drove down with my (much more sick) roommate to her house in Simi Valley. I stayed the night there then woke very, very early after a fitful, nervous, not very sound sleep to drive the rest of the way to Santa Clarita.

I was pumped. I was excited, feeling a bit better and ready to go. I was so thrilled to test my limits in a 50 miler (I ran TNF50 for "fun" and just cruised comfortably & casually). I had so much confidence in myself and really, really trusted in my training. Meghan's advice was to challenge myself. Who knew that that would take on a whole new meaning....

Obviously too optimistic Pre-race

Seeing friends Billy Yang and Gina Lucrezi at the start was so welcome as I didn't know anybody else. Gina and I started out together, we were in the lead, and I tried my hardest to take it casual in the beginning. We were running up 2.75m to the PCT trail and then would go out and back in both directions. (See course map for reference so you know what the heck I'm talking about if you are not familiar with this course). I stopped to pee and she kept going, so I was just content on keeping her in my sights. I ran a couple miles with Billy, which was super fun, and I loved talking to someone. Though, he turned at the first aid station for the 50k and I had to keep going. At this point, I was feeling "alright". I assumed it was just a matter of shaking off the cobwebs from not running at all in the past week, and that soon I would be warmed up. (Again, would take on a different meaning once the sun came fully out).

Going up the hill from that AS, the woman who would go on to win, passed me. I was kind of struggling to get a rhythm and tried talking to her to bring myself to a better place, but she just replied, "sorry but I'm breathing out of my ass!" I let her go and figured I could definitely catch her on the downhill, my specialty. We had a 6 mile downhill to the second AS, at mi 17.5, which was also the first turnaround. On the downhill, my legs were not responsive. I stumbled over rocks and was cursing myself. On the previous climb I was wishing I hadn't even started, as a DNF idea was being entertained. Multiple guys passed me on the downhill and I could barely pick my feet up. Everything was so forced! By this point, I had tucked my skirt into the liner shorts (Real attractive look. Seriously, holla at me boys) because I was just so frustrated with life and hot and not having a good time. Misery at it's "finest." I saw Gina close to the AS on her return as well as the blue-skirt lady and exchanged high fives and words of mumbled encouragement (It was already BLAZING balls hot out.) Gina was 12 minutes in front of me at that point. I don't know why I didn't think to drop there, maybe I told myself I'd keep going, to at least get SOME mileage out of a taper week and training. But then I also had to go up that god-forsaken 6 mi hill. FML.

Cause sparkles make you faster, duh.

At first, I struggled. But then I just set my sights low on pace and chugged. Surprisingly, I managed and got up it in around 70mins. I was definitely off my suspected 8 hr pace, but the guy I strava stalked made it up in the same time, so I gave myself a little pat on the back for that. At this point, a woman, Ms. Neon shirt, came up and was topping out the hill with me. We ran for a stretch along the top but she gapped me towards the middle of the downhill back to the aid station. At this point in time, I had already written a DNF race report in my head, played out my phone conversation with Meghan, and accepted deep in my heart that I would DNF for the first time and not finish my 9th ultra. I reasoned that several runners have DNFed on a not-so great day and that it was fine; I'd live to fight another day, another race... I stumbled down the hill, not so much from my heavy legs, but from the tears building up in my eyes. I was crushed in every aspect of the word.

I came upon the aid station, mi 26, in the midst of cheers and horns and cowbells. What should have been a spirit booster and ragin' good time. They asked me what they could do and I just started sobbing, repeating "I don't want to finish". They sat me down in a chair and put ice on my back, while I cried my heart out. I can't remember the last time I cried that hard. Usually, when it is hot and dry, my nose bleeds. (My nose was a bloody boogery mess the whole day- right from the start). So, I was spewing blood, boogers, snot and tears all over this poor volunteer. She was force feeding me coke and otter pops (holy good lord those were effing amazing). Back up on the hill, when I knew I wouldn't continue, I stopped eating and drinking. Big time No No. (By the time I reached the AS I hadn't consumed calories in 1.5hrs). I sat there crying for 20 mins while this saint talked to me about all things- her grad studies, where I studied, where we were from, a story about a cute guy, everything. The tears subsided as I had nothing left. She kept asking me every 5 mins or so if I was ready to get back out there, and I kept responding "No, I'm done. I suck. I don't want to go. I want to go home". She never said okay, she just said well lets wait some more. At one point I stopped my watch, knowing it was final and resolute that I would drop.

This was probably the lowest point I've ever, ever reached in my career as an athlete. (Aside from season-ending injuries). I've never spent more than 10 minutes at an AS and I spent at least 45 there. She kept asking me if I was ready to go and my resolve was getting weaker and weaker. She said, "hey, so I've been dying to get out for a run, you can run out with me for three miles and can turn around and come back at any point, but I will go out three miles. Come with me." I got so fed up with sucking and being miserable and I have no idea why the hell, but I obliged and we set off. I took an otter pop to go and we started booking up the trail. I felt great. Not super fresh, but way better. We had a great conversation, but then three miles flew by. She told me go catch that guy and then she would turn around. (We were passing people like they stood still). I caught him and she bid me farewell with the best hug. I was so grateful. I knew then that I would finish. My time goals and competition goals were completely thrown out of the 87th floor window, but I knew I would get through it. I was happy.

But that doesn't mean that the last 22 were smooth sailing on an otter pop high.... I ran the rest of the way up to that T junction and the AS. I filled my water, grabbed Gu and two cokes. Unfortunately, they did not have otter pops at any other station. I continued on to the last turn around. Go ahead, look at the elevation profile the course website boasts. No. False. That is not an accurate representation of what we suffer through. What seems like small rollies with a short climb, for good measure, to the finish was actually long climbs wrapping exposed mountains. For instance, I'd come around a turn and my initial thoughts would be, "wow! what gorgeous mountains! god, I need to make a mental note of exploring SoCal more!" Low, and behold, we would be waddling our sorry, broken asses up and over those far and distant mountains... I would see a stripe of trail weaving up, of course, one hill and I'd say "nahhhhhh we couldn't *POSSIBLY* be going up there! that's too far..." Then I'd see small dots moving up it. Bloody hell. I was pretty slow heading out to that turn around, I'd walk on some of the uphill, but at least I was generally moving and passing all the 50k-ers. I kept waiting to see the first 50 milers (Cause then I knew I was at least somewhat close to the oasis, I mean Aid station...) Sure enough, after what seemed like eternities, the 50 milers began passing me on their return. I saw the first and second woman. I talked with Neon Shirt for a bit, and encouraged her to chase down the blue skirt lady (They were 20 mins apart).

Oh HELL yeah!

I got to the AS 10 mins later and saw F3 leave. So I thought I was 4th. I quickly filled my bottles and headed out. (Of course after dumping ice down my sports bra and down my "shorts". (Real interesting while running...)) I walked up that short little climb to recoop and process mentally that I only had 10 miles to go. (Good god I was so excited to be done). Then I started running and didn't really stop... That last part went by a lot quickly than before. So, I'll just give you the highlights: after the ice melted a guy thought I peed my pants, I got stung by a bee on my boob, I found out I could jump at mi 44 when I stumbled upon a rattlesnake, and some woman told me "wow you're doing the 50 miler? You look like a goddess!" (It was definitely due to my glorious sun burn radiating from my bloody, sweaty and salty skin). I quickly found out that I was actually 6th female, as I passed two other 50mi runners that I hadn't seen previously. The last woman I passed was walking up a short incline less than two miles from the finish. I had no idea what her legs were like so I was scared that she would catch me. I ran those last two miles like a herd (?) of snakes were chasing me, licking my heels. Once I hit the pavement, with 1.25 mi of pure downhill to go, I let loose. I could smell the barn, as Tera Dube said of her sprint finish at LS50 last weekend. I could taste my blood-booger encrusted lips as I couldn't help but grin ear to ear like a doped out dweeb. I rounded the corner and finished. I had actually freaking finished. Unfortunately, I did not have my mom or dad with me, and was caught in an embrace by RD Keira Henninger and a medic. I kept saying "I finished! I finished!" like some lunatic as they dragged me to a chair. She gave me my medal and 4th overall Female mug, which were beautifully crafted. I congratulated her on an amazing event with an ass-kicking-ly brutal course.

Thanks Keira Henninger for a great event!

I finished 4th female, and something like 9:37 hours. I won my age group (20-29) and beat enough guys to be 25th overall. I am so, so proud to have been able to finish that thing and come out alive. I didn't feel right all day, but still developed a deeper, richer mental strength to use in my impending 100 mile race. I have such an overwhelming amount of love, gratitude and respect to the tireless, energetic & saintly volunteers who really made this day happen for me. Whelp. I challenged myself. I feel I did not run to my potential or ability, which is a bit upsetting and disappointing. I know I can run a lot faster and be more a more aggressive competitor, but given the conditions and my health/mental state, I am just glad to have finished. I don't feel as completely wrecked (save a few blisters and sore feet), so I'm excited to get back out there and try, try again for the next adventure. (Cause, if at first you don't succeed...)

I have an appetite to be my absolute best and push my boundaries, and it's only gotten stronger. Now I really am determined for retribution at the 50 mile distance!

Tiger wearing my lucky T Shirt

HUGE thank you to everyone who supports and encourages me. I really thought about a lot of you and it definitely helped pull me through the rough patches. I am so, so thankful to have so many friends and people in my life that are so inspirational and encouraging- I don't know what I do to deserve it, but I love, love having you all in my life.

Strava data found HERE.

Gear Used:
Stance mid crew socks
TNF Better than naked skirt, singlet, Stow N Go bra
TNF Ultra Cardiac shoes
Julbo Sunglasses
Salomon pack & Soft flasks
1 smooth caffeinator Picky Bar
1 Clif gel every 30 mins
1 salt S!Cap every 30-40 mins
Too many to count Cups of Coke
4 green otter pops, 1 orange. (Pink is my favorite)