Balance.

Recently I published a blog post for SisuGirls on balance. It's hard to attain and I have to keep reminding myself to continuously practice the art of reaching for it. As I am coming back from a tough injury that has put my dreams on hold for a bit, I need to practice what I preach with even more vigor. If I get swept up in negative thinking, taking on too much, and not properly recovering the body & mind, I definitely go a little crazy. Anxiety attacks are a real and common thing in my world. Sometimes all I need to do is just sit down on the trail for a bit and deep breathe. Connecting back to why I am out there brings me back to the present and makes for more quality time spent outside and in my work.

Here is the blog post.

It is 7:15 pm. The sun is setting, and I sit in my car at the trailhead, still in my clothes from work. I let out a long audible sigh though nobody is around to hear it. I am tired, I have a lot of homework, and I would rather go home to make dinner and drift into a magical dreamland. But I have goals, dreams, and the will to be much greater than I am. And so the trail beckons and my footsteps soon hit the crunchy gravel.

Why do we do this? Why do we choose pain and discomfort from the regular mundane? It’s because adventurous people cannot sit still. We thrive from working hard, sweating daily, and that feeling of accomplishment. Adventurous people are both intrinsically motivated and intrinsically satisfied.

So, how do we do it? How can we pursue goals, adventure, and an outdoor lifestyle while still adhering to the expectations of the regular world? The answer is simple: finding balance.

I have thought about this often and thoroughly. But after watching a short film created by my friends and sisters in sports, Stephanie Howe & Ashley Arnold, I decided to put pen to paper and write it out concretely.

To attain balance, here are some tips I try to follow:

BE GOAL ORIENTED.

I find I can pursue my absolute best when I set goals for myself. I like to make micro and macro goals. For instance, I ask myself, what can I do this week, this month? What do I want to accomplish? Is it a full work week with two long runs on the weekend? For my macro goals, I like to dream big. What exciting adventure am I saving up for? When I graduate, what career do I want to pursue? Sometimes those lofty dreams can seem super far away in the moment, so having micro goals help to keep the workflow going smoothly and to grant minor successes along the way.

REWARD YOURSELF.

Setting standards for yourself and being disciplined isn’t sustainable in the long run unless you give yourself a reward now and then. These can go hand in hand with your micro and macro goals. For example, I strive to do my school work diligently and adhere to my training schedule each week. So after I have finished studying and completed my long run, I will indulge in my favorite dark chocolate almonds or a mocha latte. My macro goals are almost rewards in itself. When I graduate college, I want to spend the summer in Europe training for my ultimate goal: The Ultra Trail du Mont Blanc 100 mile. Playing in the Alps will be my treat for studying hard and finishing my classes.

BE FLEXIBLE.

It’s okay; life happens. Failing to do a task or not completing a goal is totally fine. Everybody goes through this, and it always provides a lesson. There are days when I cannot get out to the trails because of work or school. One day off will not kill you or completely set you back. Stepping back and relaxing is even encouraged once in a while. If you have too much going on, pursuing mental health and stability is of much greater importance.

MAKE IT A HABIT.

As a student, my life is constantly on the go. But budgeting time and thinking ahead helps me get things done in work and play. Making things routine may seem to revert life back to the mundane and regular, but that’s where the reward system comes in to spice it up! I always change the location of my Saturday morning run to keep it interesting. They say it takes 21 days to create a habit. So when it gets hard, don’t lose hope. It WILL get easier.

HAVE FUN!

The whole point of why we are out there is because we love it! Stopping to look at vistas, picking flowers, and jumping around on rocks lets me connect back to my original purpose of playing outside. Everything you are doing, you should be doing because you love it.

Around 9:00 pm, I arrive back to the trailhead. Breathless, sweaty, dirty, and with rosy cheeks. I am grinning. I ran fast up one hill, and I almost tripped on a few rocks. A flower, almost dead from a beating, is strewn across my hair. It was blooming in the sunset, and I just had to pick it. It is now dark, and I didn’t get to study as much as I wanted for that one test tomorrow, but the happiness and triumph from my heart furiously beating is worth so much more.

Running with Mono

Two weeks ago, I found the reason I had been feeling so crappy lately: I have mono. Mono is a virus that is transmitted primarily through saliva- sharing drinks, meals, etc. Once you get mono, the virus is always in your system, but it is just inactive. It can be reactivated through physical exertion, compromising the immune system, and high stress. People that are infected with mono typically are exhausted all the time; and the only real remedy is lots and lots of sleep and rest. It can last from weeks to months and the severity of the symptoms range greatly.

It's affecting my running- I can't run on flat roads!

According to my blood test, this is the second time I have had mono, however I cannot remember when I would have had it the first time! My guess is that I got it reactivated either right before my CCC race (I was sick ALL raceweek) or the race pushed my immune system and bodily stress over the edge with the lack of sleep, physical exertion, weather, etc. The lines are blurry between race fatigue and mono fatigue, so I am unsure as to when I got it. However, my doctor said anywhere from four weeks ago to 2.5 months ago. I also apparently have Lyme disease, which is bacterial infection most commonly transmitted by tick bites (guess I should go bushwacking to find new trails!). It can be cured by early treatment of doxycycline antibiotics, but it also causes great fatigue. So, in short, there is a small party of virus and bacteria in me that is raging so hard I need to sleep all the time.

My heart was happy here

My best friends

I don't have too drastic of symptoms though. I'm tired, mostly in the afternoon, but with naps and long nights of sleep I'm fine. I can handle my schoolwork and my training and work. If I do too much in a day without much of a break then I get super fatigued, but I am exercising the concept of listening to my body. If I feel like I am digging myself in a hole or my run feels like more of a drag, then I will just turn around and wait for another day. Two wednesdays ago I was supposed to do mile repeats hard with a HR monitor to see where I was at. I only did 3/4 of the ones assigned. The third one was so much slower and I was so spent by then. During my recovery jogs in between I literally felt like I was going to fall asleep. So I stopped and just did my cool down. Thursday I did not run. I was so stressed and had three big tests spread over an 8 hour period of straight class & lab. It just wasn't going to happen when I got out of class at 8pm. All that weekend I was so exhausted and didn't have the time to run the miles given with all the sleep I needed.

These fall colors, unreal!

This past week I put in all my required miles, which felt like such an incredible accomplishment! However, my wednesday workout was again crap. But I am working on that! This weekend I took a little getaway to Tahoe. After work on Saturday night I drove up to the mountains and crashed on Rory Bosio's couch (She is the most generous and sweetest!). She had just finished a hospital shift so she spent the day sleeping in and other activities while I joined my coach Meghan Arbogast and Mark for a run. It was a lovely "22" miles (garmin read 21- were calling it 22) from Spooner lake, up to Marlette Lake, through the aspens to Snow Valley Peak, then back along the TRT course to Spooner.
My heart was soaring with happiness to run through the lovely trees, the fall colors, the glistening lake and smooth granite. I danced through the first 13 miles smiling, laughing, and skipping along.  However, I hit a wall of exhaustion. I normally never feel any fatigue from the altitude, but this was definitely due to my compromised immune system. My legs were fine, but I felt like I was sleepwalking at some points! It was a fabulous day and I loved running with Meghan. The next morning, I got to do a short loop in Rory's backyard up Donner pass and it was great! I felt way better and like I could do that loop again and again. It was sad to leave the mountains and head back to SLO, but it is like I am emotionally recharged.

Meghan charging ahead

Queen on her throne

It's hard because I have so many goals and obviously want to be the best I can be in several areas- school, running, and my job. It's hard that I am not consciously in control, my immune system is. I can't force myself to study for more than four hours at a time, which sets me back in the competition for As. My workouts, which before gave me such joy and accomplishment, are crap and a struggle. My long runs aren't all that long and I grow more tired as the miles go on. However, I guess this can be a sort of character building experience. It is so emotionally vexing to not be in control and frustrating to be trying so hard, but to no avail. It is also hard to deal with since I have not done anything in terms of causing injury, but I guess abide by time. A lesson in patience, which I am so bad with. I'll give it my best effort, but I guess eventually it will show.

Anyone up for a swim?

Chamonix- Trail, Ultra & Mountain Running Mecca

After several flight delays (Thanks United), I finally arrived Wednesday night. I immediately went for an easy 4 mile run around town to get my bearings. What a vibrant, beautiful city framed by the most picturesque mountains I could imagine and lush green forests. After my run, I went down to the center of town to get something quick and cheap to eat. I found out that the French, instead of putting it to the side, stuff the fries into the burger along with everything else. It was sooo filling, but very delicious.

After my first Vertical Kilometer

I went back to my hostel and crashed. The next morning, I woke up and went for a run. Now, this was no ordinary run, this was a run up the Chamonix Vertical Kilometer course. A VK is a super steep run, with over 3000' elevation gain in just over 2 miles. This is on tight switchbacks up a ski run, which later turns into a scramble so steep ropes and ladders and footholds were needed to be built into the rock. It took me an hour and five minutes to "run" up. I immediately collapsed onto the platform for the Gondola at Plan Praz, an elevation of 2000m (6562'). I didn't know how else to go down, and didn't want to risk getting lost in the mountains, so I went down the VK route. bad decision. It was more of a hike as it was very steep and I did NOT want to turn an ankle! However, the view of L'Aguille de Midi and the Mont Blanc range is unbelievably worth it.
I came back and just hung out in the city and explored some more.

Le Tour glacier

The next morning, I went with the guy that owns the hostel- Aaron- to Le Tour. He paraglides for sport, so while he and his friend went flying, I tried running up the La Refuge D'Albert 1er and the Le Tour Glacier. I really really wanted to touch, see, and run on the glacier. I got up to the ridge in and was zoning in on it. But I was on a really high/steep singletrack, alone, along a ridge that was super windy. There were also chances of a storm later in the evening and the clouds rolling in did not look too good. I went with my gut and just decided to turn around. Wow that singletrack was awesome to blaze down!!! As soon as I got back to the start and found Aaron, it started pouring rain and thunder loudly clapping. A giant bolt of lightning also struck very close to the trail I was on just 35 minutes ago...

Going crazy over the view and wildflowers

The long, technical, back way to Le Brevent. With views of the Aguilles Rougues Nature Preserve

Saturday I had my best run. I went up the VK route (improved by 7 minutes), and then continued up. I took the route less traveled by to Le Brevent. Literally though. It was super technical and long. It wound its way along the backside of the ridges. It gave beautiful sweeping views of the Aiguilles Rouges Nature Reserve. It was so high, I even got to run in some snow!!! (Exciting for a coastal Californian...) And I saw some of the locals super close up and personal. I finally made it to the summit of Le Brevent (altitude 2500m- about 8300'). It was so hard and so steep and so long. I examined strava and realized that I had climbed 6000' in about 6-6.5 miles. Craziness. I took a few pics, and then descended back to Plan Praz the fireroad, shortcut and took a new, epic singletrack down to where I started the Vk. The singletrack was winding switchbacks through a meadow of wildflowers, which quickly turned into a beautiful green forest. I was so joyful and happy running through it!

after 6000' of climbing, Le Brevent is conquered!

Earlier that morning, I met up with Timmy Olson and his sweet family at the local farmer's market. My dad would've loved it. They were selling every produce imaginable, meats, cheeses, cooked foods, wines, jams, honey, baked goods.... All for very cheap. They also were selling clothes, trinkets, jewelry, puppies (and a baby pig!), mattresses, Salomon shoes, etc... It was all so foreign and interesting!

Sunday, I was so beat up from such an exhausting week of traveling, so many vertical feet climbed in not so many miles, and so I took an easy short run along the River L'Arve to Les Houches and back.

Met a couple of these guys heading up to Le Brevent

Over this week I've had my share of explorations, practicing my terrible French, being noticed as the dumb American on a mountain, and I'm loving every second of it. I feel so comfortable and at home here. The community and culture is incredible and I'm trying my hardest to assimilate into it!! The trails are so steep and unlike anything I've ever encountered. The mountains can change everything in such a short amount of time. I'm very nervous, scared, anxious for CCC. But I am also excited and loving every second. I cannot wait to run around this beautiful massif and see these mountain towns.

Do I look ready to run 100km in the Alps?!

I am so grateful to everyone supporting, encouraging, cheering me on. I treasure every nugget of advice and all the help I am getting. Huge shoutout to everyone that's making this wonderful opportunity possible.  I am eager to represent all my friends, the SF bay area, Cal Poly, TNF Flow and young female athletes with huge dreams!

Running is a Sin Wave

Triathlete Jesse Thomas said it best in his most recent blog post, "Without the lows there wouldn't be the highs."

Recently I posted about how great my week has going. I had some quality workouts and hill climbs! Then over the weekend I had planned on doing a 15 miler Sunday. I somehow woke up feeling so out of it- stuffy nose, phlegmy throat and a cough. Coupled with a whopping headache, I just wasn't feeling great. I had only gotten about 4 hours of sleep and 2 miles into my run with my teammates, I had to turn around. It just wasn't working out. I felt like shit and would feel even worse every step if I continued. I tried running again Monday, but my teammate tripped and we only ended up running 1 mile. Which is a blessing in disguise, because I really needed another rest day to fully recover.

It isn't that bad- three days off? But for some, it's terrible. As competitive runners, we are so concerned with the quantity of miles, the amount of tempo work, the certain splits we MUST run in order to climb our way up to our chartered success.  But then we get run down. We start feeling very fatigued. Running becomes a chore and not a diversionary source of pleasure and release.  Before you know it, we are burnt out, unmotivated, and underperforming, or worse, injured.

So, we must take these lows and embrace them.  Accept them for what they are- our bodies reminding us to have fun and also enjoy resting.

I came back and ran a quality workout on Tuesday. 400, 800, 1200, 800, 400, 800, 1200, 4x100 ladder. I felt steady, strong and awesome. Then I took it easy Wednesday, and had a inadvertent 7min pace tempo for 5 miles.  I had an awesome tempo to the Dipsea 5mi mark and back.

It was an awesome week of quality running. I didn't necessarily hit my target amount of miles, but I am very pleased with all the work and quality running I had put in.

Monday (yesterday), I ran 20 mi on the headlands 50k course. I started just outside the parking lot of Muir Beach, ran through Green Gulch to the start of Coastal heading South. I have always struggled with this trail as it is very steep and hilly. But I was able to complete it sucessfully, a huge plus.  Then I bombed down the hills towards Tennessee Valley, cut through and started the arduous climb up Wolf Ridge.  I'm going to have to do repeats up this. Its soooo steep! I was exhausted half way up.  I started walking but only made it 50 ft before I started running again.  (i was uncomfortable walking haha). But instead of doing a loop in the headlands as the course routes, I cut across the ridge to Old Springs trail and bombed that down to Tennessee Valley parking lot.

Then comes the hard climb up Miwok.  I took that slow and steady until I got to the flat part, where I could open my stride up again. I was able to hit sub 8 min mis on the downhill and flat sections, which is pretty awesome considering.  Then I crossed high way 1 onto Diaz Ridge.  I was supposed to keep going on Miwok down into Muir woods, but I got a little turned around.  After that had sorted out, I bombed it down.  The trail was gorgeously green and I had a little fun hurdling logs along the way. (should've been a steeplechaser!) I made it down to Muir woods, crossed Muir Woods rd, and started the even more arduous climb up Cardiac. (Deer park onto Dipsea trail). In the 50k course, I cannot use the shortcuts, so I had to take the long way up.

I'd have to say, I felt pretty awesome throughout the run, not struggling and definitely managing the climbs.  But the climb up Cardiac was the worst point in the course. Mile 15-17.5 were when I "hit the wall". I made sure to hydrate regularly and consume shot bloks so it wasn't too bad. After getting to the top, the course normally makes a loop down Matt Davis to Stinson beach and back up the dipsea, very hard climb but super rewarding trails.

After that, I was able to race down the resumed course on Heather Cutoff.  This trail is great. Super beautiful and a lot of fun on the switchbacks.  I was definitely smiling.  Then it empties out onto Santos Meadow.  The start and finish of the 50k.  I stopped for a second to take it in, memorize it, and then picture myself breaking the tape.  I smiled and raced back to my car.  (the very start of the race goes from the meadow, along Redwood Creek tr to where I had parked).

My stats: 20 mi, 3:34 hr, 4100' of climbing.  I burned close to 3 kcal and stopped to do leg swings after each climb.  (bottom of cardiac too)

Fabulous run. I had a lot of fun, but I was also humbled.  I still have a long ways to go and a lot of work.  But I have three months to ready myself for mountain climbing.  I can't wait.  I will emerge victorious!

Some pics from the run:

Heather Cutoff

My watch and Skoras after

Santos Meadow!

View from top of Miwok with tam and Diaz Ridge in distance

Race report: OC Marathon

Since I am to races 50k in August, and have been doing some long runs, I thought I might as well sign up for a marathon, my first.

I had been doing long runs somewhat fast and got the idea stuck in my head that maybe I could qualify for Boston, with a 3:35 (8:12 pace).

I registered for the oc marathon because it was flat, fast, and conveniently located and on the calendar.

I did some more long runs, some tempos, and fast hill climbs (CR on bishops peak!) and then tapered like no other the last week. I even took Friday off and ran three miles Saturday.

The race started at 5:30, so before I ate chicken, sweet potatoes, quinoa, and had my banana ice cream for dessert. I went to bed early full and happy and insanely excited. I had been antsy all week going through taper crazies! I couldn't believe I would toe the line and be finally doing my first marathon?!

At the start! It was early...

I woke up at 3:00 am and got my gluten free oatmeal, and then tried to sleep for another hour. But I had all the details and excitement going through my head that I just ended up staring at the ceiling until my alarm went off. When it did, I put on my race gear, taped two Gus to my sides and drank some water and waited for my mom to get out the door at 440. We showed up early, but it was fine. I was assigned corral 1 based off my 335 projected pace. I was excited because I was starting up front with the fast people! I got in line with the pace group and waited anxiously for the start.

I would see her 26.2 miles later

Gun went off and I started. I thought I was running conservatively, but after what seemed like two seconds we hit the two mile mark at around 730-735 pace. Whoa that was too fast. I felt great but tried to reel it in. The best I could do was around 745 for the first 6 miles. I was with some other people and moving up, we passed the ocean and my chattering was awkwardly to nobody as everybody had headphones. I forgot to pee in the morning so I had to quickly stop at mi 4. I lost my pace group, they were far behind me, and I kept pushing. I caught up with more people, chatted, and eventually found my way to the 330 group. I still felt great so I decided to stay with them and if I felt terrible, I had a cushion on 335 so I could fall back if necessary. I took the first gu at 9 mi and pocketed the gu they gave at 10.5. I used it at mi 14 and then again at mi 18 and pocketed the gu they gave at mi 20. Which I ate at mi 23. I took some Gatorade and water here and there not too much, but when I felt I needed it.

only a marathon? no problem... loving every second! 

At mi 10 I completely abandoned the splits I had worked out and written on my arm beforehand and had a great time talking to the pacer from mi 10-17 and exchanging stories. I was having a great time.  It started to feel Hardish around mi 18 but I kept pushing, telling myself I was strong, beautiful and finally a marathoner. I had to push myself. I could do 330. I was so excited by that idea. I followed the commands of the pacer and kept up. Mi 20-23 were the absolute hardest. I had separated a little and was about 50 ft behind the pacer. It was tough mentally and physically. My splits were the slowest there. But then I got encouragement from the cheering crowds and spectators and dug deep. I ran faster the next 3.5. I was averging 730s-740s, which was unimaginable at that mileage. I'm still shocked I could do that. I knew the finish was coming up fast and I was ready for it. I was tired. But I kept pushing. I passed people and sprinted the last 1/4 mi. I was grinning though the whole time. I finished and started crying tears of joy. I had dreamt of this moment for years but never new when it would happen. I hugged my mom and cried on her shoulder, it was really an emotional moment for me.


 hitting the wall clearly

I finished with a chip time of 3:30.06, a Boston qualifier! my garmin read 26.4 at 3:29.33 (26.2 split was around 3:28) but oh Well. It was good for 16th female and 1st in my age division by 28 min margin. I was ecstatic.

#1 for first of many!

I was soon hit by a brick wall of pain as the lactic acid and fast running caught up to me. I cramped up hard and my muscles still ache 24 hours later. Yes, I did the marathon shuffle all day, and being in a car for 6 hours coming home didn't help either. But I recovered well. A hot bath, lots of leftovers from last night and a delicious burger did me well.

So ecstatic about my race and excited to see what's in store for me. I ran comfortably for 18 miles and was chatting. It was my first marathon and I broke 3:30 barely training for it. Imagine what I could do! The potential! I'm psyched.

My skoras didn't fare as well as I did haha. They've taken a beating over all the miles they logged and are ripped, torn, and worn down... Maybe it's time for a new pair...

I was a bit emotional finishing

With my mom!