Retirement // Sabbatical

It's not a goodbye, it's a see you later.... 

Seattle Jungle Cats ft Philip, L-Adam #teamteal, & Elizabeth
(not pictured: Farmer & Loowit, Kaytlyn & Ely)

Legends. 

To many of my closest friends, I've talked about my upcoming "retirement" from running as I begin medical school at Pacific Northwest University in August (see my last post). I had planned to go out with a bang; to finally finish a 100 miler and cross it off my bucket list. I had wanted to start medical school with no regrets and to not wish for the shoulda coulda woulda's while studying hard. The truth is, I know I'm not a Megan Roche, Erin Clark or Michelle Meyer type- the kind that can somehow rock medical school/ residency at prestigious Universities while also maintaining regularly programmed, fast running and even racing (read: winning). The way I see it, is that I want every opportunity to be open to myself and to only have doors closed that are out of my control. Meaning, I want to do my absolute best and not have anything less than that deter some future residency or career. To me, that means running will be an afterthought and a way to relieve stress every now and then. I won't be able to train to do trail ultras justice. At least until maybe after residency...

It takes a village. Or the Queen to tell you what to do

When Mary & I tried to conquer the VT Long Trail

Running has given me more than I could've known to ask for, and I am eternally grateful. As a naive 14 year old, I believed every kid in high school had to join a sports team. I chose Cross Country as I didn't have the hand eye coordination for the other sports and there were no cuts. I remember believing I would actually die on that first 2 mile run at practice. However, I showed up the next day because I didn't know I could quit. It was that naivete that made me believe ultra running was the norm- after all, my coach Mary Churchill and all her friends did it. As a bright eyed 16 year old- a bit fitter with some more miles under my belt- I would beg Mary to let me join her on "Ninja Runs" at 5 am in the Marin Headlands. I would be awed into a silence (not typical) soaking up all the race stories Jorge Maravilla, Devon Yanko, Larissa Rivers, and other legends would tell about their recent PR at Lake Sonoma or woes of training for Western States. I took such joy in being surrounded by an incredible community and exploring beautiful, wild places on my own two feet, that I wanted more and more, so I ran farther and farther.

My certainly-not-SLO(w) gal pals

the SFRC regulars fangirling

Running has also given me challenges. I've had my fair share of injuries, often joking that you could create a Bingo game for all the fractures, tears, strains, and sprains I've had. I've DNFed races and finished when I probably shouldn't have. I've struggled with social media dictating what my running should be and endlessly compared myself to others on Strava, wondering why I couldn't run the same splits. I've puked my brains out in races and I've face planted into every surface imaginable. I've gotten lost, run out of food/water, and made so many mistakes, it's strange I haven't yet been inducted into the Rookie Hall of Fame. And yet, I keep coming back.

the OG CPDC squad

Sometimes, it's because I'm stubborn and I like to achieve my goals, but mostly it's because of what running has provided: Community, lifelong friendships, SO many laughs, appreciation for nature, fear of nature, the chance to travel, and more. Most importantly, running has given me an identity. I first identified myself by my running, but though the ups and downs, I've grown in myself and in my confidence to let running be a part of my identity. Running has put into practice the traits about myself that I hold most valuable: integrity, respect for others & the world, determination & hard work, hopefulness, easy going & adaptability.

Meghan & Stephanie showing me the WS100 ropes

chasing Rory somehow always gives me altitude sickness

My mentors in the sport have shown me not how or what to run, but why I should run. Most importantly, they have taken running beyond the sport and shown me how it can improve lives and yet also be separate, that running isn't everything, but core principles and values add to life. I have told my coach of 5 years- Meghan Arbogast Laws- she is more my life coach than a running coach. We've been through a LOT together and I've had enough lessons in life to open a school of my own. I've also had support from everyone in my life- my family, friends, some sponsors, and social media friends- and those are who comes to mind when the going gets tough, as they say.

typical Ultra finish state of affairs

Don't get me wrong, the high that finishing the "hardest thing I've ever done" feeling after each race has been incredible. I think it may actually be a drug. It's almost unimaginable that I've taken my body almost 75 miles across an island within 24 hours or run across the Grand freaking Canyon & back. I've won some races, set records when I was a youngster (heyyooo only person in my age category back in the day), qualified for Boston, set PRs, and churned up & down big mountains. Heck, I even got paid to run back & forth with Mike Foote in a puddle. Those accomplishments will always been near & dear in my heart.

looney tunes at who-knows-what hour pacing Jon Bretan at TRT100

I could go on forever in my little ode to running. I had originally planned to write this after finishing Cascade Crest 100 as that would mark my "retirement". However, CC is no longer happening. Per previous posts, I just haven't been able to run much lately (read: Life happens and it's OK) and have lost my base. More than that, I'm just not motivated to train for it; I'd rather get fitness so I can keep up with friends on epic summer routes and climb Mt Rainier with Philip. Those are lame excuses and 100 miles is really freaking far for that kind of BS. I've given up my spot and I'm actually relieved, not full of regret. You could probably say I'm a bit burnt out, and that's probably a likely diagnosis. So, I'm going to prescribe myself a much needed break.

Catch ya on the flip side. Xo, Kelsie

Future Dr. Clausen

Most kids spend their formative years dreaming big of what they want to be when they grow up. For me, I never wanted to be a doctor. It didn't occur to me that I could be good enough or handle the rigor required for such a lofty accolade.

Shadowing aka pretending to be a student

However, slowly but surely, I explored all that the field of biology has to offer. At first I wanted to be a teacher, then teach at a university so I could also do research. After a summer of working in one of the best labs at OHSU Knight Cancer Institute, I found that I surprisingly preferred shadowing my mentor on his clinical rounds to the endless Western blots. I found that his patients brought my petri dishes to life and personified all that I learned in my science classes. Each case brought an intricate puzzle that I was eager to solve, however the puzzles took shape in lovely ladies with her paintings draped across the room, or a young son surrounded by his high school friends.

Future OBGYN doing my 1st IUD insertion

Still not convinced I was capable of becoming a doctor, I looked into pursuing nursing or Physician's Assistant. In order to be a competitive applicant, I needed at least 1000 hours of paid, patient contact time. Given that most of the jobs on the list required extra degrees and certifications, I chose medical scribe as I already met their pre requisites. After completing my B.S. degree at Cal Poly, I moved up to Seattle and started working at a downtown family practice clinic.

Soon, I became comfortable and the role of doctor did not seem as intimidating, now that I had many hours working alongside several providers. I started to have the smallest inkling of hope and confidence that maybe I could do it; I could be a doctor. I saw doctor-hood as combining all that I wanted to be: a teacher to my patients, showing them how to live their healthiest and explaining their physiology/options in plain terms. I can use research and continually learn so that I am always sharp and up to date on the best practices or new ways I can help others. I can interact with and engage in the most humble, intimate manner with people of every age, race, orientation, status, etc. I can be a role model to serve and demonstrate for what doing your best looks like and better yet, that it is possible.

Volunteering w medical in sports!

As I started to fill out my applications, I saw that my academic section was poor and I knew that if I had to reapply, I needed to do something else to supplement my application, as well as beef up my grades. I found a Master's of Medical Science program at Heritage University in Yakima and enrolled. August I started and had the unique opportunity to take the Foundations course with the DO first year medical students of PNWU. I did extremely well, which was proof to admissions committees that despite my grades in undergrad, I COULD handle the rigors of medical school. (Of which, I already knew personally, but proving to ADCOMs was another thing...)

MAMS love

Fast forward 3000+ hours of scribing, MCAT studying & testing, primary & secondary applications written & rewritten, Master's program started, interviews and many, many rejections; I received an acceptance to Medical School. I had done it. I had grown in confidence and now PNWU, a DO medical school, also believes that yes, I can become a doctor.

Submitting my Med School app at Le Tour Eiffel

I am very fortunate to have had several amazing mentors along the way, and cherished friendships encouraging me towards this goal. I would not have gotten to this point without everyone else believing in me and my potential. However, I did not earn this on luck alone. I worked hard, kicking my butt and employing every resource I had to do my best. I took risks and set myself up in a way so that I could grasp every opportunity and have no closed doors. For example, in my Soph year at Cal Poly, I did not need to take the third Ochem course to go to grad school, as I was intending at the time, but took it anyways, because who knows down the road? I didn't want to have a door closed to me (like medical school) if I had not taken that class. I want anyone that has the slightest inkling of doubt, to know that it IS possible, but only if you give your absolute best and surround yourself with people that do, too.

Anywhere, Anytime. Even on a 13hr plane trip
mid quarter for a 100 mile race

With the risks I've taken: moving to Seattle, starting a Master's program, etc, I've had failures along the way. I was not a 4.0 student. In fact, I barely scraped by with a 3.0 after failing Statistics, and getting several C's. Though the difference is that I let these be learning opportunities. I got back up and worked harder to prove myself. I took off a lot of work and spent many, many hours studying for the MCAT. I exceeded what my grades predicted I should score and excelled.

some Lady Tiger Jungle Cats feat Adam & Philip

Additionally, a major contributor to my success and journey is ultra running. Without countless hours training in god-knows-what conditions, rookie mis-adventures, miles shared with so many beautiful people, I definitely would not be here. Running has allowed me to see so many beautiful things and people in the world- my perspective has been widened and softened. I have also seen myself through running. I learned about every muscle, tendon and bone through various injuries, my limits that can extend in endurance, and that my mental strength is feisty and deep. I know that when I am determined enough, I can get through almost anything. With training and racing, I have learnt key lessons that have bled into my life: patience, perseverance, tolerance, humility, adaptation, passion, grit, and more. The community of online "Likers", random dudes you shared that sunrise and oh-so-many miles with, weekend warrior Lady Tiger Jungle cats, and all others in running have bouyoed me with love and included me in being a part of something epic. We also share our love for nature continuously. They inspire me to pursue my best in running, an art I'm continuously trying to perfect, and be a better person because of it. I truly owe so much to the sport. (And probably my medical career as it likely caught the eye of ADCOMs reading my personal statement).

This. No caption needed.

So, cheers to the long journey ahead. Though running may not be much more than hobby jogging, and I might not be easy to nail down for hanging out, you'll know I'll be grinding in #NeverStopStudying mode for the next 8 ish years and beyond. Thank you, all.

Class of 2023! See you in August.